I have always been cray for Christmas and up until a few years ago I was still acting like an Elf on crack!

Like so many of us, I spent many years buying into the ‘hype’ and chaos at this time of year and continued to actually find it hard to sleep through my excitement on Christmas Eve.  But something my healing journey has surprisingly taken away from me is the spirit of Christmas; to the point where my spirit is well and truly 6 feet under this year!

It died as I began to awaken, and every year that I continue to ascend it means that a little bit of my festive cheer falls away inside.  This was quite a sad reality for me, and this year has been my hardest to face yet, with many tears for what I feel I cannot single-handily change in the world.  With strong Pine Bach tendencies to my nature I instantly beat myself up; asking myself what had happened to make me assume a Grinch-like identity and to lose my love of Yule…had I become too hard after heartache or too removed from my community?

With no festive fancy left in this body, I find myself no longer being able to belt out the hits of Wham! or the original Band Aid as they play in every shop, on every radio station and even in lifts.  I have adopted a more typically ‘male’ approach to present buying, whereby I have left everything to the last minute (and I’m not even affected by that very reality despite usually having all my gifts bought and wrapped by October).  And I wouldn’t honestly care if I spent the entire day alone at home, in my pants and face down in a box of mince pies!

So what changed?

Well, healing for me is about removing the many blankets of BS we have wrapped ourselves in, and about getting back to the very essence of who we are.

You know, all those beliefs that are your parents and not yours, all those labels and restrictions that society like to place upon you in order to keep you subconsciously conforming, and all those heartbreaks and traumas that program you into thinking that you no longer know who you are.

All the things that basically take you off of your true path and put you onto someone else’s; which is hurtling towards a destination you don’t want to go!  They become blankets or layers that stop you being your authentic self, which often means that you become someone who is lost and as a result can find it hard to connect or to understand what is really important to you.  Heck, sometimes it can even feel like you have lost your mind because nothing resonates and you find yourself taking long strolls in spiritual no-mans land, just waiting for something to click!

In my own personal healing journey I have discovered many things that I realise I had forgotten or suppressed about my very character.  My blankets, my labels and my personal restrictions have all contributed to me thinking that I wasn’t the woman who now stands more in her power today than she ever did.  This woman loves nature.  She strives to be the change in the world that she wants to see.  She cares about the environment, the world and the humans and animals who reside in it.  She is wild and a deep shade of Indigo.  She is passionate about equality, individuality, creativity and duality.  She does not tolerate injustice or fake news!

With that in mind, every Christmas has got harder.  For every layer that I remove, I find it is steeped in guilt and sadness.

For every-time I have an overfilled plate of Christmas dinner a thought enters my head about how many bellies are painfully hungry across the world.  Every-time  I open yet another present, I think just how many children or older people do not have one single gift to acknowledge the day.  When the Winter chill fills the room we reach for the radiator thermostat or throw another log on the fire, when there is someone somewhere shivering on the streets for the night.  And when I think of how much love is in my home from friends who visit, family who support me, yuletide cards that adorn my windowsill and cuddles with my little pup, I then think just how many people and animals remain victims of abuse and neglect.  NONE of this sits easy with me, and every year it gets harder to keep up the charade in order to enjoy this one day.

This year, I believe that we will have the highest number of people emotionally struggling with Christmas and all that it entails.  For it is not possible to be ascending as individuals and as a collective alongside the Winter solstice this year and the many opening gateways, and to not take through a desire for change in the world.  When change presents we often go into personal resistance or trauma.  We adopt ‘old’ ways of doing things and we often get reflective or low in mood because it can force us to lose our identities.  Something as magical as Christmas no longer cuts the mustard and we want more.  This year on a global level we have watched plastic in our oceans reach new and alarming heights of appeal, we have seen an advert banned for being ‘too political’ just for showing us the devastation palm oil is having on our forests and we all panic as we head into uncertainty over Brexit!

WE ARE CHANGING.

 

So when you think about it, isn’t it any wonder that so many of us can’t get excited about one day of the year, when so many of us want equality, the end of austerity, animal and human rights to be accelerated to ascended levels and an end to homelessness and poverty?  Christmas is a time of triggers and of bringing out our shadows in many ways, so if like me your Christmas spirit is fading, please see this as a positive that you are ascending.  You are questioning what is now important to you and perhaps flowing into new times.  I have seen so many people change this Christmas.  Shopping locally rather than lining the pockets of tax-evading chains, or cutting down the amount they spend, or simply doing more for charity…which is so great!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that Christmas isn’t a time of deep joy and that we should all sit around feeling guilty.  In fact, your feelings around Christmas that have drawn you to this blog won’t necessarily even echo mine, as your healing journey and authentic self is unique just like mine.  But I am sure if you are reading this then something within you has died too, and you want more.

Simply put, the journey of a fading Christmas spirit can be hard and it can take many years to understand just why it’s happening and what you can personally do about it.  For me, its been to adopt a more ethical Christmas this year in terms of limiting my waste with wrapping presents, asking Santa for gifts that ‘give back’ to charities and animals, and even just supporting more local projects with a donation or my time.  And whilst at times it still doesn’t feel ‘enough’, I am working on letting it be enough for now.  Letting myself be enough this year.  Without the need to drink, or entertain the family, or even running around visiting everyone as my body craves rest and integration this year.

 

So this Christmas, to help any dwindling spirit and cheer, put yourself first.  Do what you need to do, free of guilt.  Your inner voice needs to be acknowledged more than ever this year in order to avoid the blues.

What is your heart and soul asking of you?  What does Christmas really mean to your authentic self?

Wishing you all so much love at this difficult time of year.

Yours in love and festive light,

 

 

 

A Christmas Wish (a poem by Ami Smart)

This year I don’t want gadgets, gifts, money or rings; I want change, I want peace, I want all manner of things

I want orangutans to have homes and bears to stop dancing.  I want tigers to be free and caged dogs to stop fighting

I want no more lotions or potions to hit each shop, for animal testing and cruelty simply has to stop!

Plastic in our oceans and deforestation, please Santa, hear my cries and save our nation

For this year I see that I am beyond blessed!  For I have a family, friends and a safe place to rest

I have freedom and voice, I have wellness and a dog; but I can’t help but cry when I think of the ole’ hedgehog

For she roams at night with no place to bind, in search of food and kindness from each human she’ll find

Santa, my darling, I can cry no more.  I cannot do this alone, and I don’t mean to be a bore

But today as I was writing my usually long list, I realised I have everything I need but just one wish

To sleep on Christmas knowing that all animals are happy; that they have beds for the night and bellies full of Chappie!

So please send me vouchers for Greenpeace and not the high street, for my heart can’t take another year of riding on this global backseat

I want change TODAY and I want animal freedom…so please help me Santa to build a happier kingdom?

 

 

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