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Will I ever be enough? This is a question I ask myself on average at least once a week, sometimes consciously aloud and sometimes suppressed into the ways that I act or feel.

At least once a week may sound a ‘little much’ to some, but I believe it’s a question that many people, particularly awakened ‘women,’ ask themselves frequently too.

In fact anyone on a path of self development or conscious soul searching will likely ask it so much as they too will have this self-limiting dialogue carved into them as if it were a tattoo.

You may be fooled into thinking that asking this question repeatedly is all about low self esteem or a lack of self confidence; therefore excluding you if you feel above this way of feeling.  Sure, those mindsets don’t help if that’s something you live with, but they are actually unrelated to the root of the question.

That’s because this question relates more to impostor syndrome, and for me impostor syndrome isn’t always a bad trait if you can learn how to live in the more positive aspect of it. Impostor syndrome gets you asking questions in order to learn, to grow and more importantly to heal. This is fundamental on a Goddess inspired path or the path of an authentic light-worker.

Impostor syndrome in essence is an inner craving to become more, and a desire to unearth more of yourself, your authentic self, and indeed the rest of the world, which we often achieve through initial self doubt.

We feel like an ‘impostor’ because deep down we know we can be so much more, and in many ways we are fighting the internal calling and birthright to step into our power.  And that’s because we are taught to fear our higher selves and our authentic beings from a young age.  For women this is especially true as we are born with gender inherited shame and guilt, which is magnified in the values we are taught such as comparison, inferiority and critical self dialogue.

And despite what you may have been taught, that this is low vibrational energy; those with impostor syndrome are often the most skilled of light-workers and the most attuned channels.  They are less likely to be living and working in their egos, because they understand the questions they must ask of themselves to keep it real and to evolve.

We are taught to fear success, to resist self expansion and to dim our lights so that others can live untriggered alongside us.  We are taught to live small.

From this fear we learn how to put our deepest dreams in a box that struggles to contain them, and we limit our cosmic beings to a 1D or 2D realm, or if we’re really lucky a 3D or 4D existence, whereby we really start to ask ourselves the opening question.  And it’s only when we start to ask this question consciously and with an intention to grow, that I believe we are starting to ascend to 5D and beyond.

Years pass and adolescence is cruel to any awakened soul, indigo child, empath or highly sensitive person.   We become wrapped in individual blankets of BS, of unjust self analysis and of life limiting belief systems and core values.  Because we are taught this from a young age and our forefathers are taught this.  We inherited our parents opinions of us, we adopted unhealed ancestral trauma through our paternal and maternal lines and we believed what media and society told us about our labels.

And thus began the rise of the question “will I ever be enough?”

The question will differ from person to person.  For some this will not even be consciously asked, and it will more be an inferiority of sorts that presents in behaviour, insecurities or feelings.

For others it will be a loud loop that plays out regularly, as if to say your best isn’t good enough,  YOU aren’t good enough.  In remedy terms it’s likely to be the Pine’s, the Larch’s, the Rock Water’s, the Centaury’s, the Agrimony’s and the Cerato’s in my opinion.

I believe the question ‘will I ever be enough’ is ingrained in women the moment they are born.  That’s not to say that this question is gender exclusive, but I believe that it’s a statement attached to the divine feminine, and this is felt more prominently in women.  You then inherit an ancestral line, particularly passed down through the maternal line, of women before you who never quite found their worth or voice due to their inherited belief systems or the suppression of feminism during harder times.  These wounds have now been passed on to you as if they were a baton and it’s now your turn to have a go at healing them alongside your own unique shadows.

The way you are brought up also plays a part, for the media you are exposed to, the parental viewpoints and the developmental years of an empath for example can make or break your inner critic.

I remember feeling fat, ugly and like I just didn’t fit in from as young as 2!

I have wonderful and loving parents, I have experienced no known trauma at a young age and I have no reason to feel this way, but I did.  I wanted more from that tender age and I wanted to be anyone and anything other than me, as I felt like a failure.

Whilst doing my Reiki training I travelled back to ‘heal my past’ and this was the first memory that came to me, and this is when I became aware of my 2 year old inner child, who had shaped so much of my adult life.  I saw my younger self playing in the flower beds in a local park and I felt as if I wanted to be more like my sister, who wasn’t crying because she didn’t want her photo taken, or wasn’t causing her parents stress because she was ‘different’ and wouldn’t ‘conform’.  For 30+ years I learned to hate that child/myself, and my insecurities were magnified with every partner, friend, co-worker or stranger who told me I was too loud, too sensitive, needy, difficult because I saw the world so differently or effectively not good enough.

But it’s only now that I am starting to ask myself this question in the positive, for greater good and growth.  “Will I ever be enough” in terms of wanting to ensure I am striving for my best self and connecting to my hearts calling whilst dancing to my own tune.

It’s taken years of painful shadow and solitary work, carefully selected Bach flower remedies, many modalities of healing, soul journeying to heal and understand my past lives and my inner child and a continued ascension into 5D living.  It’s also taken changing my energetic vibration so that I am attracting kinder souls who want to help me as much as I want to help them.

If you too are consciously asking yourself “will I ever be enough”, then start to gift the question positive power by replacing it with something like, “what do I need to do to grow further?’.  This is a far kinder approach and you will get a lot more from the lesson.  Considering Bach remedies such as Larch, Pine, Rock Water, Agrimony, Centaury or Cerato so as to remove the self doubt and restrictions to grow will help to.  And finally, it’s never too late to love that inner child in the way that they needed and deserved to be loved.

Remember,  we are all asking if we will ever be enough in some form or another, for we are all on this beautiful healing journey called life.

Yours in love and light,

 

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you

 

 

 

 

You will know that women of a certain age experience a monthly bleed, but what you may not know is that there is an increasing community of awakening women who are using this cycle in ceremonial offering.

Gross right?  Well, I used to think so to!

I strive to keep the majority of my blog focus on lighter subjects that fall within the holistic spectrum.  If I am unable to do this then I at least try to simplify topics so that they may reach a wider community.  However, every now and again I like to challenge my presence and to witness my own evolution from therapist to channel and from practitioner to goddess.

This is the way that I start to trust my heart’s teachings and to ensure that I adapt to an ever changing audience.   It also acts as a reminder to me that I am transforming, I am awakening and I that I have to sometimes step outside of my comfort zone and away from public acceptance or validation.  I must speak my truth, no matter how ‘weird’ that may initially seem.

Blood offerings are something I never envisioned myself doing, let alone writing about.  It couldn’t be further from the way in which I have been raised or indeed from the shame I naturally carry as a woman.

It has become a practice relatively new to my esoteric and spiritual path and one that I am still learning how to embrace and utilise for my greater good.

My awareness began around 18 months ago when I started travelling a more channelled and goddess inspired route.

I began to move in circles of women who done this religiously each month without a second thought.  I even sat in sharing circles whereby ‘sharing sticks’ adorned with elder women’s last bleed were passed around when someone wished to talk.  What struck me was that after my initial thought of ‘what the hell is going on’, there was no feeling of shame or uncleanliness that stayed with me, and instead a deep respect and gratitude amongst us all.  I was intrigued.

Depending on culture, faith, upbringing and gender, a woman’s menstrual cycle will be something to be celebrated or something to despise.  Some cultures create tents for women to gather and craft during this time and others banish women to outside shacks as if they were carrying an infectious disease.

For many women, dating back as far as our past lives, this natural cycle carries with it an element of shame, a feeling of being unclean and is something we rarely talk about openly.  We even give it names like ‘star week’ for example, to avoid magnifying its power or to save embarrassment to anyone who still winces at the thought of it.  We as women are often unable to feel justifiable anger, upset or strong emotions during our bleed without this being excused as PMT or hormone induced.

With all of these negative connotations is it any wonder that working with your cycle seems grose rather than gorgeous?

 

I have always suffered with menstrual cramps and pain, to the point where I am sure there is an underlying diagnosis I haven’t explored with my GP.   As a result of this life-limiting agony I actually dread my periods as I have to spend the first few days in bed and on strong pain relief.

However, in more recent months since making conscious blood offerings to Gaia I have felt a slight improvement in my experienced pain, and I have actually learnt to embrace my monthly gift.  It has created a change in mindset and given less power to the negative thoughts I have had around my cycle.  Despite any expected discomfort, I now actually look forward to being able to offer this in some way and to be source-led to new destinations or ways in which to do this.  Even more so if this falls on a significant lunar rhythm or astrological event, for I see this as a magnified value.

What really changed for me was when a few months ago I was 4 weeks late.  After realising that unless I was expecting the second coming of Jesus, I may be facing the end of my cycle.  I will turn 36 next month and whilst I may still be considered a little ‘young’ to be pre-menopausal, I was experiencing many symptoms which could have indicated that my time was indeed running out.

The thought of this actually made me sad.   I felt robbed!  I had only just discovered this sacred gift, this womanly power if you like, and so it seemed a grave shame to be losing it before my journey had even really begun.  My initial thought was that I wished someone had told me about this sooner, and that my awakening happened earlier so I may have utilised this ceremonial tool.

I believe that a woman’s bleed, whether it’s her first or her last, is a natural wonder to be celebrated and is infact gorgeous.  It’s a reminder of our strength and our synchronised connection with the moon.  For those interested in understanding an energy duality, I believe this is the aspect that helps us to connect to our divine feminine, which when working with rather than against can create balance.

I no longer feel ashamed to talk about it openly without nickname.  I will now be fully embracing this part of my body’s function, and seeing this as a uniquely divine gift I can bring to my ceremonial offerings and ancestral connection.

My crimson journey is of course in it’s infancy and I am human!   Every now and again when I am called to give blood with nearby spectators then my ego will kick in and I will do it all a bit cloak and dagger, as awakening is never easy and some days others opinions cut deeper.  But this act is no longer something I see as grose.  It is no longer something that makes me feel unclean or less of a person because of my presenting gender.  I see it as a powerful connection to Gaia, which can only come as a result of being a woman.  A woman in tune with her body, in tune with the moon and in tune with the land.

This needn’t be something to shout about, but it’s also no longer about suppressing an inherent and natural birth right.

If you take this route then it is something I feel you have to appreciate may warrant a few raised eyebrows and your family and friends perhaps thinking you have finally gone round the spiritual bend!  But for those ready to rise from the shadows, it is an act of self connection, self mastery and  I believe deep awakening.

If this blog speaks to you on any level, even if that is a trigger into thinking it’s more grose than gorgeous, then just try it.  See it as a way of ridding yourself of inherited shame as a woman and of inviting goddess empowerment into your life.

Yours in love and light,

 

 

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you

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