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Will I ever be enough? This is a question I ask myself on average at least once a week, sometimes consciously aloud and sometimes suppressed into the ways that I act or feel.

At least once a week may sound a ‘little much’ to some, but I believe it’s a question that many people, particularly awakened ‘women,’ ask themselves frequently too.

In fact anyone on a path of self development or conscious soul searching will likely ask it so much as they too will have this self-limiting dialogue carved into them as if it were a tattoo.

You may be fooled into thinking that asking this question repeatedly is all about low self esteem or a lack of self confidence; therefore excluding you if you feel above this way of feeling.  Sure, those mindsets don’t help if that’s something you live with, but they are actually unrelated to the root of the question.

That’s because this question relates more to impostor syndrome, and for me impostor syndrome isn’t always a bad trait if you can learn how to live in the more positive aspect of it. Impostor syndrome gets you asking questions in order to learn, to grow and more importantly to heal. This is fundamental on a Goddess inspired path or the path of an authentic light-worker.

Impostor syndrome in essence is an inner craving to become more, and a desire to unearth more of yourself, your authentic self, and indeed the rest of the world, which we often achieve through initial self doubt.

We feel like an ‘impostor’ because deep down we know we can be so much more, and in many ways we are fighting the internal calling and birthright to step into our power.  And that’s because we are taught to fear our higher selves and our authentic beings from a young age.  For women this is especially true as we are born with gender inherited shame and guilt, which is magnified in the values we are taught such as comparison, inferiority and critical self dialogue.

And despite what you may have been taught, that this is low vibrational energy; those with impostor syndrome are often the most skilled of light-workers and the most attuned channels.  They are less likely to be living and working in their egos, because they understand the questions they must ask of themselves to keep it real and to evolve.

We are taught to fear success, to resist self expansion and to dim our lights so that others can live untriggered alongside us.  We are taught to live small.

From this fear we learn how to put our deepest dreams in a box that struggles to contain them, and we limit our cosmic beings to a 1D or 2D realm, or if we’re really lucky a 3D or 4D existence, whereby we really start to ask ourselves the opening question.  And it’s only when we start to ask this question consciously and with an intention to grow, that I believe we are starting to ascend to 5D and beyond.

Years pass and adolescence is cruel to any awakened soul, indigo child, empath or highly sensitive person.   We become wrapped in individual blankets of BS, of unjust self analysis and of life limiting belief systems and core values.  Because we are taught this from a young age and our forefathers are taught this.  We inherited our parents opinions of us, we adopted unhealed ancestral trauma through our paternal and maternal lines and we believed what media and society told us about our labels.

And thus began the rise of the question “will I ever be enough?”

The question will differ from person to person.  For some this will not even be consciously asked, and it will more be an inferiority of sorts that presents in behaviour, insecurities or feelings.

For others it will be a loud loop that plays out regularly, as if to say your best isn’t good enough,  YOU aren’t good enough.  In remedy terms it’s likely to be the Pine’s, the Larch’s, the Rock Water’s, the Centaury’s, the Agrimony’s and the Cerato’s in my opinion.

I believe the question ‘will I ever be enough’ is ingrained in women the moment they are born.  That’s not to say that this question is gender exclusive, but I believe that it’s a statement attached to the divine feminine, and this is felt more prominently in women.  You then inherit an ancestral line, particularly passed down through the maternal line, of women before you who never quite found their worth or voice due to their inherited belief systems or the suppression of feminism during harder times.  These wounds have now been passed on to you as if they were a baton and it’s now your turn to have a go at healing them alongside your own unique shadows.

The way you are brought up also plays a part, for the media you are exposed to, the parental viewpoints and the developmental years of an empath for example can make or break your inner critic.

I remember feeling fat, ugly and like I just didn’t fit in from as young as 2!

I have wonderful and loving parents, I have experienced no known trauma at a young age and I have no reason to feel this way, but I did.  I wanted more from that tender age and I wanted to be anyone and anything other than me, as I felt like a failure.

Whilst doing my Reiki training I travelled back to ‘heal my past’ and this was the first memory that came to me, and this is when I became aware of my 2 year old inner child, who had shaped so much of my adult life.  I saw my younger self playing in the flower beds in a local park and I felt as if I wanted to be more like my sister, who wasn’t crying because she didn’t want her photo taken, or wasn’t causing her parents stress because she was ‘different’ and wouldn’t ‘conform’.  For 30+ years I learned to hate that child/myself, and my insecurities were magnified with every partner, friend, co-worker or stranger who told me I was too loud, too sensitive, needy, difficult because I saw the world so differently or effectively not good enough.

But it’s only now that I am starting to ask myself this question in the positive, for greater good and growth.  “Will I ever be enough” in terms of wanting to ensure I am striving for my best self and connecting to my hearts calling whilst dancing to my own tune.

It’s taken years of painful shadow and solitary work, carefully selected Bach flower remedies, many modalities of healing, soul journeying to heal and understand my past lives and my inner child and a continued ascension into 5D living.  It’s also taken changing my energetic vibration so that I am attracting kinder souls who want to help me as much as I want to help them.

If you too are consciously asking yourself “will I ever be enough”, then start to gift the question positive power by replacing it with something like, “what do I need to do to grow further?’.  This is a far kinder approach and you will get a lot more from the lesson.  Considering Bach remedies such as Larch, Pine, Rock Water, Agrimony, Centaury or Cerato so as to remove the self doubt and restrictions to grow will help to.  And finally, it’s never too late to love that inner child in the way that they needed and deserved to be loved.

Remember,  we are all asking if we will ever be enough in some form or another, for we are all on this beautiful healing journey called life.

Yours in love and light,

 

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you

 

 

 

 

There seems to be an influx of visiting bees in our conservatory lately, and today’s guest looked like nothing short of the Queen!

I have always loved nature, preferring to be outdoors (contrary to what those around me may have to say) from a young age, but it’s really been the last few years that my love of wildlife, animals, fauna and flora has really come alive.

I think nature is sent to not only provide for us, but to lift our moods and enhance our connection and purpose, although sometimes it takes going on a deeply inward journey in order to truly appreciate it.  When you awaken the goddess within, when you hear her cries and answer her calls I think you naturally become more sentient, more empathetic and can see the way that animals and nature (when kept alive) fit into the great wheel of life, as if they were fundamental cogs in the machines workings.

For me personally, I can see that my authentic self looks like a wild woman at the core, but somewhere along the line she got lost and scared.  She became frightened of spiders, scared of mice, too afraid to pick up and talk to a rat or walk through a field of cows, and that makes me sad.  It’s only now that I am seeing such sadness in those learned behaviours as I realise that I have missed out on so much, and am having to remove these layers and get back to the essence of who I am much later in life.  Somewhat behind where I should be as a result. Everything I do to heal and connect to my higher power and inner wounds takes me ever closer to this wild woman; and she is someone I like and respect a lot more than the girl I have allowed myself to be up until now.

But the problem comes with the fact that I put a great deal of pressure on myself.  To love nature I feel I must be able to roll around in it, covered in spiders and loving the process somewhere in a remote campsite…but that’s sadly not the case!

I do love camping, but the point is I am still learning to love spiders!  With these high expectations and now the line of work I find myself in, I feel it’s somehow my duty and reputation at stake to be at one with nature…including knowing how to save every bee who comes to Bristol for some time out!

However, whilst watching this bee take what I hope is a nap in our ambient temperature glass house, I began to panic and take an unhealthy responsibility for nursing this bee back to health.  Even my Mum has faith in me that I can save the day, which only ceases to add to my own self–administered pressure!  I opted for the ‘go to’ reaction of giving it a water and sugar solution, ensuring I took my instructions from a reputable Google search such as the RSPB or Wildlife Trust, but he didn’t seem interested.  My next step is always to sit as close as I feel comfortable to do so and send this striped fella some Reiki…which has been known to help in the past.  Even Bach Rescue Remedy can help when diluted!  I sat there and channelled my inner Wild Steve England (read Steve’s Honeysuckle guest blog here) , wishing I had his skills and confidence to pick said bee up and administer the sugar water…but I realised I was scared.  I was a Rock Rose level of scared, yet I am not sure why, as I wanted to save this bee more than anything.  So why couldn’t I just ‘get over it’ and help him when my desire to do so seemed to outweigh my fear?

I left the conservatory, with the spoon within the bee’s reach and went back upstairs.  I sat there restless and began to cry.  I went back downstairs 5-10 minutes later and started the process all over again.  And this rig-moral of going back and forth to the wilting bee went on for half an hour, maybe more!  Goggle searches such as ‘how do you know if a bee is sleeping or dying’ happened, tweets to Wild Steve for advice and a lot more empathetic tears shed on behalf of the Queen all followed this exhausting process.  Until I sat there and the penny dropped…. I needed to work with Pine…AGAIN!

Pine is one of my ‘type’ remedies and the negative aspects of the remedy underpins the majority of my feelings, outlooks and interactions, and this bee served as a reminder today that I still have intricate layers of Pine to balance.  For I took the blame for this bee and sole responsibility for it’s predicament.  I somehow felt guilty for the fact that he is sleeping, resting or heaven forbid preparing himself to cross the rainbow bridge.  I was sat there beating myself up for not being able to pick him up or remove my fear to get close enough to him to help.  I felt angry with myself and stupid for not instinctively knowing what to do with him and how to save him.  After all I am a ‘healer’ right?  Therefore it’s ‘my job’ to know how to help every living and sentient being and to not fear mother nature herself.  It just didn’t sit right with me and from that one flying visit I had spiralled into a deep self-reproach and fear, all from a situation that unless I morphed into David Attenborough I don’t think I could have done much more!

But the idea for this blog came as I sat staring at the bee for the 40th time.  Berating myself for not being a good enough healer, for not understanding nature enough and only having the useless and emotional connection of an empath, a gutless empath at that!  For what good is feeling the bee and witnessing its struggles if I can’t do anything to help.  My self talk was terrible and I really heard it today.  Why on earth was I feeling as though this was my fault?  Why did I think I ‘should’ know what to do?  What was I so afraid of?  All of these questions (and more) served as gentle reminders of my next layers presenting, Pine and Rock Rose.  Perhaps this yellow and black wonder was merely sent as a sign of what I need to do next, which remedies would help me unlock my potential. Perhaps he was sent to show me how to step bravely into the ‘fear bubble’ as Ant Middleton would say.   Or perhaps he was just tired, and nothing more!

The moral of the story is that I am human.  Sometimes I don’t know what to do in situations for the best.  Sometimes I can have deep connections, but be too fearful to see them through as my own emotions take over.   And that’s what this little guy was showing me today.  My best in any given moment is my best.  It’s not my fault he was there, and whilst he may have boded better in Steve or David’s house, he was given love and attention perhaps more than he would have been somewhere else.  So that needs to be enough.  With Pine and Rock Rose, which I will now prepare in a mixing bottle to see me through this next stage of my journey, I am sure I will be better prepared for the next bee-autiful guest who stops by.

Yours in love and light,

 

 

BEE-cause I thought you would like an update: Alas, good news!  Writing this blog inspired me to go back downstairs and to try again, with more determination and trust that my loving intention could replace my fear.  I made a solution of sugar and water and added Olive Bach remedy (for tiredness) and Rescue Remedy (to give this guy back its senses) and I added it to one of my Bach mixing bottles so I could administer it to the bees mouth, one drop at a time.  Within a few seconds of doing this he came alive before my very eyes and flew off as if by magic.  Thanks for the lesson little bee, god speed!

It’s important not to give bees honey, or to use certain sugars (such as Demerara).  For more information on how to revive tired bees, you can visit ‘save the bees’ website here

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you