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Jealousy is a common feeling, one that all of us experience far more than we perhaps care to admit.

It starts as early as childhood and usually results in squabbling siblings, competitive natures or comparable tendencies.  We are programmed when we are young that this is one of the ‘negative’ emotions and traits that we shouldn’t exhibit, yet we are rarely given the supportive tools to unlearn this behaviour, and instead tend to suppress or bury our feelings.

With that in mind, it is no surprise that we carry these feelings through to adulthood and often feel jealous long after it’s socially acceptable to be, even sometimes holding on to childhood rivalries as a result.  People like to put an ‘age’ on jealousy.  After perhaps the excusable cute stages of being a toddler, we have to ‘man up’.  We have to own these strong and often confusing feelings (usually in secret) forcing us to move on at hurried speeds, especially when we are unexpectedly triggered by them in later life.  When you start to understand jealousy, where it comes from and the effects of childhood supression, it becomes no surprise that so many adults still hold enviable comparisons and still feel the need to compete.  But what makes it worse is that when we feel jealous in later life our inner child comes along for the ride!  Bringing up old insecurities and suppressed emotions just to make the process feel even harder to deal with and to sprinkle a little self-guilt over the proceedings!

So why is jealousy such an important emotion to acknowledge?

 

In later life, since I’ve really begun to awaken, I have become increasingly aware of my own shadow side.  Today I was reminded in such a fleeting feeling that jealousy is still a part of who I am, albeit a continually self-challenged and reducing emotion.  An emotion that pacifies with every high vibrational discipline I practice, with every Bach remedy I take and with every day that I learn to love myself that little bit more, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a feeling that rears its head in different forms every now and again.

As a practitioner, and someone who has done a lot of self-healing in a short space of time, I understand that jealousy is what is known as a low vibrational energy.  It is something that comes more from ego, unbalanced emotions and often a place of disconnect within the heart.  But I also believe that it can be a wonderful learning tool when you’re ready to listen, as I see it as a ‘trigger’ emotion.  A trigger emotion is one that acts as a catalyst for great change, but one that can often be uncomfortable and challenging for not only ourselves but those around us.  It’s an emotion that is rarely about the other person and EVERYTHING about us.

Jealousy doesn’t always come from a place of resentment, bitterness or anger, which is often why it is seen to be so bad.  It gets subconsciously grouped together with other so called ‘bad’ emotions and the whole process portrays those experiencing it to be some kind of green eyed ‘monster’.  Yet I find jealousy is more linked to a place of self-worth, self-love and self-esteem or rather, lack of.

When we feel jealous it’s often because we don’t feel worthy.  We don’t feel we can have the same success or achievements as others, or when we need validating because we’re not quite giving ourselves the love and respect we seek, and it’s often only experienced when our own feelings of self-acceptance are too much in the negative.  Don’t be fooled into thinking that those truly living in their power won’t still experience feelings of jealousy, as they will, but for them it’s more likely to be quieter, infrequent, and will only serve as a learning tool when it surfaces.  Like every emotion, jealousy will appear multiple times on a healing journey.  It will be weaved into the fabric of your very being, linked subconsciously to intricate layers of past trauma, belief systems and core values.  Some feelings of envy will be strong and noticeable, whilst others will be subtle and take a period of processing to be able to put a name to the emotion.  And that in itself is healing!

Our shadow sides can teach us so much.  Just sitting with a feeling of jealousy can tell us what remedies for example are needed for the next part of our healing journey.  Holly Bach remedy is often associated with feelings of jealousy, but it isn’t always the most appropriate.  For squabbling children, I would say it is usually the ‘go to’ remedy, but Holly is for when we feel extremes of a negative.  So in the case of needing to invite love into the heart or balance extremes of jealousy then it’s one to consider, but I often think people with Larch and Pine tendencies can also experience a lot of jealousy.  For they often compare themselves, never quite feel good enough at what they do and in turn can look at everyone through an emerald tint for it’s less about the person they’re jealous of and more about their own feelings of inadequacy.

When I have been on retreats, taken part in intense healing courses and integrated into close-knit circles I have been surprised by how much jealousy I have felt.

I have felt as though others are getting opportunities that I am not, I have felt that I will never be as good as someone else and I have felt that space holders have given praise to others that I wanted for myself.  And at the time I know I was jealous in some form.  But what has been a huge breakthrough on my journey to releasing this jealousy, was to admit it.  Admit it to myself and in turn to the people I was sharing space with.  This admission was healing in itself for it would NEVER have been something I would have said out loud, I wouldn’t even have been able to say it to myself as I wouldn’t have been so aware.  But in saying out loud how I felt, I gave power to those words, I released them from my body and in turn I found the humour in the emotion. For I had spoken my truth, without filter, and let go, trusting the process.  I had chosen to do something differently to what I usually would and with that decision came deep healing, still to this day.

In a closing circle at a soul-journey I went on last year, the honesty stick made its way around the circle until it got to me.  I was asked to sum up what I was feeling, and in that moment, I felt my body get hot and my adrenalin fuelled feelings rush to my chest as if I were to have a panic attack at any given moment, for I knew I needed to say out loud, to all these people who seemed so perfect and so enlightened, that I was feeling jealous.  Jealous that the space holder gave her praise to someone else and not to me.  But luckily enough the two space holders were encouraging, created a safe space and they understood the need to expose the shadow side as much as the light, so I reluctantly shared.  I can’t even remember what was said in response to my words, but I felt better, I felt lighter and I no longer felt jealous! I realised in that moment that the jealousy triggered an emotion linked into my childhood insecurities, and I looked to that space holder as if she were my mother, wanting her to tell me what a good job I have done and that I had her seal of approval.

But I also realised in that moment that had she have given it to me, it wouldn’t have been enough.  She could have praised me 10 times over but until she gave me that 11th dose of praise it wouldn’t have felt enough.  And that’s because one of my main Bach types is Pine.  So, jealousy for me usually indicates a need for me to take Pine, to improve my self-worth and to find validation of myself.  The much feared feeling of jealousy actually became the tool that set me free in this case.  It gave me closure.  It gave me understanding. And it gave me a gentle reminder that I hadn’t taken enough Pine!  It also sparked a hugely emotive and honest closing circle, that I can now see perhaps wouldn’t have happened had I not been so open.  Had I not found the courage to share my shadow then others may not have been so rebelliously led to share theirs.  But in doing so we ALL exposed our shadow sides.  We ALL understood what triggered us and what needed deeper healing.  And it ended in such a deep respect, love and understanding  for each other and served as a humorous reminder of what we all needed to individually heal.  It couldn’t have ended better.  From such pain came an undoubtedly uncomfortable lesson and situation, but one that ended so blissfully and couldn’t have taught us what we all needed to know without my initial green eyes.

So, challenge your shadow sides.  Notice who and what triggers you.  Notice who you feel in competition with or enviable of.  For they can be your biggest teachers and your greatest tool for healing.

Yours in love and light,

 

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