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Healing is an ever evolving and expansive modality, and one that’s deeply subjective.  It will mean something different to everyone as it will require something different for all who seek it.

Therefore, holding space for healing to take place is complex and there is a lot more involved than you may think.  Creating a loving and alchemic space is so much more than consciously calling people into circle or ceremony whilst spouting a few words of wisdom and waving a feather wand around, which is how it may look on the surface.

Healing is continuing to support the friend who does all the taking whilst you do all the giving, because you can see the triggered growth.  It’s the causes you champion and support even though they don’t return the energy exchange, because you believe in their roots and wider benefit.  It’s the candles you light behind the scenes for those in pain without making it onto your social media show reel.  It’s the divine material you channel and make your own, rather than someone else’s craft passed off as your ‘weekly wisdom’.   It’s the blessings you send out to an unknowing collective to aid a global ascension.  It’s the silent tears you cry for a burning rain-forest or the unprotected animals.  It’s the relationships you eventually walk away from to begin work on your own wounds so as to limit collateral damage to others.  It’s the distressed strangers on a train you send distant love and light to comfort.   It’s the flower remedies you take or the soul journeys you travel on behalf of those around you who are unwilling to change.

It’s the ancestral wounds you inherited and vow to break rather than continue to pass down the maternal and paternal lines.  It’s the channelled words you share outside your comfort zone because your guides say the world needs to hear them.  It’s the free online content you provide via social media, blogs and chance meetings that yield comfort and emotive thought to someones day.  It’s the discounts or free space you gift to those who need it more than they know.  It’s the free hugs, the extra time, the finest tea and the heartfelt space you give to those drawn to your light and work.  It’s forgiving others who will never understand the magnitude of the gesture.  It’s taking responsibility for your actions, even when you’re hurt.  It’s learning how to love yourself when those around you can’t.   It’s shining your light, speaking your truth and presenting co-creation even when it triggers, receives conflicting opinion or isn’t understood.  It’s all of this, and so very much more.

Makes you think doesn’t it?

When you’re called into service, despite vowing that it will be a part time venture, you make a subconscious decision to dedicate your every being to this way of life.  It’s a silent contract that means you will never be able to choose your hours, rules of employment or hand in your notice, as you will forever be serving a higher power that knows what’s best for you.    You sign up to put more love into the world than you’re ever likely to get back, and once you move through your ego you become comfortable with that exchange.  Because you start to appreciate that you made an unbreakable pledge in many lives previous, that you will heal, grow and find your authentic self no matter what the cost in this lifetime.  In my case, illness and isolation.

When you take the first step on a healing journey you will never be able to step back into comfort or be able to be a half-assed version of yourself ever again.  You will no longer be able to ignore your gut, or else the universe will harshly intervene to cut the cords for you.  You will no longer be able to live small, in ego or conform to the invisible ‘rule-book for good people’.  And when you hold space for others on that journey then these unspoken expectations magnify, have (biodegradable) glitter on top and bells and whistles to boot!

With that comes repetitive challenges, and at times relentless testing.  Bringing with it suppressed insecurities and internal battles you thought you had fought and won.  This can be exhausting, isolating and often the root definition of healing!

But with this journey also comes an immeasurable euphoria and a freedom of self.  A nirvana of the highest order, deeper connections and an everlasting gratitude of self and in turn the rest of the world.  It’s the release of material gratification, sought out validation, ego-living and surface happiness.  It’s a medicine for the soul that no Dr or Chemist could ever prescribe.  It’s the best feeling in the world, it’s the feeling of self-mastery.

To be a channel/healer/light-worker/shaman/*insert word here* you have to take care of yourself.  You have to be willing to take yourself from a wounded healer to an awakened being, for which the goalpost will continually move inline with your new and unique skill-sets, tribes and lessons.  The end result will shake with every lower vibration, retrograding planet or challenging astrological house sign.  As you transform and are attuned to new energetic frequencies, you will need to find stronger spiritual defences, be even kinder to yourself and often need to take extended time out from social media, people and helping others.

When you are an empath and live with a chronic illness such as myself, this makes the journey that much more painful and requires even more solitary self-care as I am beginning to learn.

As an empath you are further affected by the decisions of world leaders, by the cries of the planet, by the vibration of the collective and alike. Which means that it’s a necessary part of ‘the job’ to take extended periods of isolation to go deeper into this work.  Taking a break isn’t always about taking a physical vacation, although sometimes that’s part of it, but it’s more about taking time to process, to integrate and to understand your own triggers and wounds so that in turn you can hold space for others to heal.

There is no doubt about it that this is the down side of being in service, and it’s so deeply painful at times.

I used to see taking a break as weak.  Especially as it tends to follow repeated dark nights of the soul inevitably experienced through ignoring my body, synchronised signs and my intuition.   But I’m beginning to realise that in order to evolve my work I must first evolve myself.  My mind, my body and my soul.  I must detox, cleanse and completely reset my chakric system and auric field so that I am more aligned with my path and guidance.  I must be willing to revisit the heavy karmic ties of my heart.

At times I have felt that I would love to run away from all this and start again. Go back to an office job or only agree to do reiki on a small scale. Part of me has wanted to gift myself a whole year off to go on a personal pilgrimage deep into the woods and shut off from everyone and everything, just so I could rest properly and hear myself think. But that’s not me. And my guides won’t allow that. So instead I have to compromise because they’re now saying it’s time to listen and it’s time to rebuild, for there are many blocks within my work and within my tribe.

I am following the path of a channel and I am not where I consciously started this journey 5 ish years ago, and a long time before that with my eyes wide shut. Almost everything that I say and I do is coming from an ascended place, higher than I can often translate into 3D words or understand at times.

It’s no longer a therapy or a practice inherited from books or teachers, it’s the unscripted work of my heart and soul.

So perhaps I have been a fool to think that smudging my home, using protective practices that I was first taught for hourly therapeutic work, and the odd meditation would be enough to provide great spiritual defences anymore.

I am a being of light that is expansive and ever-evolving, therefore I need to do a lot more within my basic foundations to grow and to protect myself.  That includes releasing worry what others think or how my events/words/work are interpreted, as it seems the more I grow the more I lose followers, the less attendance I have in ceremony and the more opinion I receive.

This realisation came as a huge wake up call and attack to the soul on my recent Samhain tea ceremony.  When I unexpectedly had to close my circle early following repeated verbal abuse from others who had also booked the space for their event expecting to be alone, unbeknown to us all.

 

I realised in that moment just how alone and out of my depth I felt, as I am the channel and the entire events team for my business…Honeysuckle is just me!  I am not headed up by a committee or on a conscious healing journey with a business partner, I am everything and I live and learn from my mistakes.

I felt out of my depth as I was in shock from what happened and wide open through channelling and holding a calming space that was attacked repeatedly with aggression and anger.  Taken a back,  I wasn’t able to articulate what my higher self knew to those shaken souls in attendance, which was that this experience was actually a learning tool for us all, and healing that you couldn’t put a price on!

For me it evoked physical fear as one of the ‘gentlemen’ (and I use that word politely and loosely) shouted inches from my face, as well as unearthed a great impostor syndrome, resentment towards those who I felt had put me in that situation and above all else guilt.  Guilt as I felt responsible and embarrassed that my circle didn’t deliver what I had promised.  I don’t mind admitting that the situation was the straw that broke the camels back and made me see what I had been ignoring for too long out of loyalty.

The experience was an opportunity for growth for all of us, which is after all what we signed up for, as no-one said healing would be all love and light.  The way we individually felt and reacted in that situation was showing us exactly what it was time to release and what emotions were holding us back.  Furthermore, it was completely out of my control so should therefore be no reflection on me.

Nonetheless, I saw in that very moment that I was done with serving others for the time being, and instead I wanted to strengthen my defences so that I couldn’t be affected that deeply again.  I wanted to expand my aura from energy attacks and opinion.  I wanted to take a deeper look at who I was supporting and travelling with at this stage of my evolved journey.  I wanted to gift the love and healing to myself, for it was clearly so long overdue.

Making my decision to take a break publicly, and without the initial need to explain why, received an overwhelming amount of love and support, some of which from people I never even knew followed my work.  After such an unsettling Hallows experience, this unexpected lifeline of kindness restored my faith in the world and indeed my own work.  But of course it also received opinion, gossip and highlighted the people and places I have now outgrown.  It also allowed others to play down this role as though they were one up on me by realising I needed a break, this is ego living!  But I realised that ‘taking a break’ merely means taking a break from social media, gifting everything I mentioned in the opening paragraphs and no longer holding space, it doesn’t mean stopping this work, infact it means doing more.   But that’s the nature of this role, it is a platform that will always receive critique and opinion, and those that think healing is something you just one day master.

But I choose to do things differently.  I choose to be more vulnerable, honest and to change the way we see healing, which should be a country mile from the world of hierarchy, shadow-free light and show reels.  The channels I am drawn to are changing things and work towards this vision I have.  The world is changing because healers and channels are changing. There is a gaping and obvious difference between those who are awake and in this for the long haul, and those who see this as a part time journey of bandwagons to jump on.   These channels are ‘a bit of me’ and they share their lows as much as their highs for they speak honestly about their triggers. They evolve from them and they bring this awareness into circle.

They are called into this work and are unwilling to go around it, for they are brave enough to go through it.

For this reason, they will not be able to relentlessly serve without having to stop.   And these are the people I want to receive healing from, I want to be taught by, I want to sit in circle with and who I want in my tribe.   People who take responsibility for their blocks and triggers and know when it’s time to stop and to regroup.

In the weeks that have followed Samhain,  I can see the many blessings in what happened.  Namely that I can now take some time out for myself, to re-establish a committed Honeysuckle Tribe when I return and to break links to people and causes that no longer serve me.  But what’s been more beneficial is the realisation that I need to rebuild,  I need to raise my vibration and I need to have stronger defences.

It has taken me weeks to write this blog as I wanted to be sure that I am writing it for the right reasons.  That I am not doing it out of retaliation for what happened or that I am not justifying my actions or need to take time out.  As always, I write from a point of healing to help others.  From now on I trust that those who take the time to read my blogs and indeed are still here following me on the other-side of my break are meant to be here.  I trust the organic restructure that will come from this.

I can’t say when I will be back or in what capacity, and I am sure the winds of change will carry me through many directions in the new year.

But this is what authenticity looks like.  This is what channelling looks like.

Thank you for your continued love and support.  See you on the other side!

Yours in love and light,

 

 

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you

Castanea Sativa is more commonly known as Sweet Chestnut, and a mature tree can live up to 700 years!

Often confused with Horse Chestnut in appearance, this tree bears both male and female flowers, with the female flowers changing form after pollination to the edible chestnuts we traditionally roast in the Winter months.  This beautiful, but rather ‘spiky’ looking tree, is the last to flower of the remedy trees and the Sweet Chestnut remedy was first prepared near Wallingford in 1935.

I picked Sweet Chestnut as our focus this month as so many of us have left behind a tough period of healing.  One which has contained many ‘dark night of the soul’ moments and even left a collective heartbreak as we say goodbye to loved ones, old friendships and patterns that no longer serve us.  And for those who haven’t done the work, I’m afraid this is the state you will find yourselves going into when you play catch up.

Sweet Chestnut would be the remedy that surpasses Gentian and Gorse states, and is one that can leave a real darkness that can feel as though we will never come back from.  I personally believe this remedy encompasses many other remedies such as Honeysuckle, Cherry Plum, Star of Bethlehem and Mustard as well as the aforementioned Gentian and Gorse, as it’s often a point of no return and a very lonely place to be based on passed failures, loss and actions (from our own personal viewpoint).  It is first and foremost a remedy that we utilise on the dark nights of the soul, the times when we send up a flare or send the Morse code (. . . – – – . . .) aka SOS!  It’s the overwhelm and accumulation of many missed remedies and those low moods we just haven’t nipped in the bud through successful remedy selection.  A pain and longing like no other that makes our hearts break, our stomachs knot and our tears fall hard and fast.

A SC state is a lonely one.  It can be the period after a huge amount of ‘inner work’ on a healing journey when the many emotions, traumas, heartbreaks and fears you have suppressed present like a rush of blood to the head, leaving nowhere left to run.  When we feel we have exhausted all avenues, started to question our faiths and can no longer see the wood through the trees or the light at the end of the tunnel.  We have lost our way in many ways and are praying to be shown our next move.  Unlike a Gorse state of darkness, we haven’t quite lost our hope in the early stages of Sweet Chestnut.   And like a Cherry Plum state we are unlikely to be so low to the point of suicidal tendencies, as the Sweet Chestnut state is more strong and stable.  There is an inner trust that once we come through this period of despair and anguish then we will be stronger for it.   We know there is always a lesson in our struggles and we trust the period of surrender in many ways, allowing ourselves to become vulnerable through asking our higher power to step in and lead us back to our salvation.  With Sweet Chestnut it isn’t so much about needing others to save us, but needing someone or something to walk alongside us whilst we save ourselves.

In illness a Sweet Chestnut will be justified in their mental state.  No doubt fighting many invisible battles, chronic illness and daily fights against their own bodies which often bring about a ‘breaking point’ or deep fear that they can no longer fight this.  Feeling as though this is the end of the road for them and becoming a subconscious permission to allow all buried emotions to surface with a vengeance.

On the other side of Sweet Chestnut, we utilise this remedy to soothe our hearts, usually when they’ve broken.

This is where I think the loss and grief of a Star of Bethlehem state and the reminiscing and rehashing of a Honeysuckle frame of mind can come in.  It’s that permanent dull ache when you long for your body to be next to the person you love, when every power ballad sounds as if it was singing the song of you and your soulmate and when you wonder if your heart will ever start beating again without the other persons accompanying rhythm.  The anguish is so great, it becomes almost unbearable.  It’s the knife to the heart feeling and the nights you cry silently, or loudly, into your pillow.  It’s the checking your phone for them to text, it’s the seeing their face every time you close your eyes and every time you open them.  It’s a state which is nothing short of torture, especially if unrequited.

So why take Sweet Chestnut?

Well basically to bring the opposite to all of these things into your life!  The above are just some of the common ways in which a Sweet Chestnut state presents, so taking the remedy in these cases will no doubt be a very restorative and transformational experience.  It’s a remedy that has the capability of mending a broken heart, of placing a lighthouse in turbulent emotional waters in order to guide you back home and to be the life-raft when you’re lost at sea.  It’s a bridge, it’s a light, it’s clarity.  It’s a soother of the soul, a repairer of the heart and should never be overlooked or underestimated in the case of bereavement.  I have been utilising Sweet Chestnut as we leave August and come into September, and will be certainly taking it during this 9th month.

It’s a beautiful remedy that removes the darkness and replaces it with light, allowing us to move through our pain with gratitude to those who have broken our hearts as much as those who have mended them.  A truly magical remedy that is deeply purifying and supportive in purging old wounds, emotions and loves from our aching hearts.  It’s the very thing that transmutes negative energy into positive and leaves us held in a place of greater good, whatever the reason.  It’s a real phoenix from the flames moment, when we rise from the embers of our past traumas and belief systems.  Helping us to shed what no longer serves us, and leave behind the weight that tethers us.

Sweet Chestnut is nothing short of a miracle cure for the hardest of times.

When the sky seems full of darkness, this remedy will reveal the stars.

 

Yours in love and flowery light,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PLEASE NOTE: I would always recommend having a consultation with a qualified and registered Bach Foundation practitioner/BFRP, to ensure that you get the most from the Bach system.  Dr Bach advised that blends be bespoke and BFRP’s teach their clients how to use the system effectively.  These monthly insights are offered as a guide to the remedies, but are by no means exhaustive.  Guidance is always advised when using the remedies for the first time or without suitable qualification.

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you