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Will I ever be enough? This is a question I ask myself on average at least once a week, sometimes consciously aloud and sometimes suppressed into the ways that I act or feel.

At least once a week may sound a ‘little much’ to some, but I believe it’s a question that many people, particularly awakened ‘women,’ ask themselves frequently too.

In fact anyone on a path of self development or conscious soul searching will likely ask it so much as they too will have this self-limiting dialogue carved into them as if it were a tattoo.

You may be fooled into thinking that asking this question repeatedly is all about low self esteem or a lack of self confidence; therefore excluding you if you feel above this way of feeling.  Sure, those mindsets don’t help if that’s something you live with, but they are actually unrelated to the root of the question.

That’s because this question relates more to impostor syndrome, and for me impostor syndrome isn’t always a bad trait if you can learn how to live in the more positive aspect of it. Impostor syndrome gets you asking questions in order to learn, to grow and more importantly to heal. This is fundamental on a Goddess inspired path or the path of an authentic light-worker.

Impostor syndrome in essence is an inner craving to become more, and a desire to unearth more of yourself, your authentic self, and indeed the rest of the world, which we often achieve through initial self doubt.

We feel like an ‘impostor’ because deep down we know we can be so much more, and in many ways we are fighting the internal calling and birthright to step into our power.  And that’s because we are taught to fear our higher selves and our authentic beings from a young age.  For women this is especially true as we are born with gender inherited shame and guilt, which is magnified in the values we are taught such as comparison, inferiority and critical self dialogue.

And despite what you may have been taught, that this is low vibrational energy; those with impostor syndrome are often the most skilled of light-workers and the most attuned channels.  They are less likely to be living and working in their egos, because they understand the questions they must ask of themselves to keep it real and to evolve.

We are taught to fear success, to resist self expansion and to dim our lights so that others can live untriggered alongside us.  We are taught to live small.

From this fear we learn how to put our deepest dreams in a box that struggles to contain them, and we limit our cosmic beings to a 1D or 2D realm, or if we’re really lucky a 3D or 4D existence, whereby we really start to ask ourselves the opening question.  And it’s only when we start to ask this question consciously and with an intention to grow, that I believe we are starting to ascend to 5D and beyond.

Years pass and adolescence is cruel to any awakened soul, indigo child, empath or highly sensitive person.   We become wrapped in individual blankets of BS, of unjust self analysis and of life limiting belief systems and core values.  Because we are taught this from a young age and our forefathers are taught this.  We inherited our parents opinions of us, we adopted unhealed ancestral trauma through our paternal and maternal lines and we believed what media and society told us about our labels.

And thus began the rise of the question “will I ever be enough?”

The question will differ from person to person.  For some this will not even be consciously asked, and it will more be an inferiority of sorts that presents in behaviour, insecurities or feelings.

For others it will be a loud loop that plays out regularly, as if to say your best isn’t good enough,  YOU aren’t good enough.  In remedy terms it’s likely to be the Pine’s, the Larch’s, the Rock Water’s, the Centaury’s, the Agrimony’s and the Cerato’s in my opinion.

I believe the question ‘will I ever be enough’ is ingrained in women the moment they are born.  That’s not to say that this question is gender exclusive, but I believe that it’s a statement attached to the divine feminine, and this is felt more prominently in women.  You then inherit an ancestral line, particularly passed down through the maternal line, of women before you who never quite found their worth or voice due to their inherited belief systems or the suppression of feminism during harder times.  These wounds have now been passed on to you as if they were a baton and it’s now your turn to have a go at healing them alongside your own unique shadows.

The way you are brought up also plays a part, for the media you are exposed to, the parental viewpoints and the developmental years of an empath for example can make or break your inner critic.

I remember feeling fat, ugly and like I just didn’t fit in from as young as 2!

I have wonderful and loving parents, I have experienced no known trauma at a young age and I have no reason to feel this way, but I did.  I wanted more from that tender age and I wanted to be anyone and anything other than me, as I felt like a failure.

Whilst doing my Reiki training I travelled back to ‘heal my past’ and this was the first memory that came to me, and this is when I became aware of my 2 year old inner child, who had shaped so much of my adult life.  I saw my younger self playing in the flower beds in a local park and I felt as if I wanted to be more like my sister, who wasn’t crying because she didn’t want her photo taken, or wasn’t causing her parents stress because she was ‘different’ and wouldn’t ‘conform’.  For 30+ years I learned to hate that child/myself, and my insecurities were magnified with every partner, friend, co-worker or stranger who told me I was too loud, too sensitive, needy, difficult because I saw the world so differently or effectively not good enough.

But it’s only now that I am starting to ask myself this question in the positive, for greater good and growth.  “Will I ever be enough” in terms of wanting to ensure I am striving for my best self and connecting to my hearts calling whilst dancing to my own tune.

It’s taken years of painful shadow and solitary work, carefully selected Bach flower remedies, many modalities of healing, soul journeying to heal and understand my past lives and my inner child and a continued ascension into 5D living.  It’s also taken changing my energetic vibration so that I am attracting kinder souls who want to help me as much as I want to help them.

If you too are consciously asking yourself “will I ever be enough”, then start to gift the question positive power by replacing it with something like, “what do I need to do to grow further?’.  This is a far kinder approach and you will get a lot more from the lesson.  Considering Bach remedies such as Larch, Pine, Rock Water, Agrimony, Centaury or Cerato so as to remove the self doubt and restrictions to grow will help to.  And finally, it’s never too late to love that inner child in the way that they needed and deserved to be loved.

Remember,  we are all asking if we will ever be enough in some form or another, for we are all on this beautiful healing journey called life.

Yours in love and light,

 

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you

 

 

 

 

“Come gather ’round people wherever you roam, and admit that the waters around you have grown.  And accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone, if your time to you is worth savin’.  Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone…for THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN” Bob Dylan

As per usual, in the true spirit of flow and divine timing, I find myself reflecting on my guidance and insights on the very eve of the Winter Solstice.  And in accordance with my increasing ‘style’ of channelled receivership, it has come complete with lyrics, this time courtesy of Bob Dylan!  For I personally know all too well right now that this particular Winter will bring times of change; whereby you literally have only two choices…to sink or to swim.

Tomorrow, 21st December, welcomes the shortest day of the year and marks the official start of Winter in the astrological calendar.  This is an energetically anticipated Winter season in the UK as this year it doesn’t just feel like a time for pagans and spiritual folk alike to witness.  I believe that as we are ascending as individuals and as a collective into the 5D, after whats been a very difficult and trans-formative year, a majority of us are ready (or almost ready) to embrace change, to invite alchemy and to take individual responsibility – and I for one cannot wait!  Together with a full moon following on 22nd, this feels more like a weekend to honour ancestral tradition, rather than just a day this year.

This is perhaps the first Winter that I have truly embraced, looked forward to and whole-heatedly surrendered to its unique seasonal offerings.  Because despite the season that usually brings 3 bleaker months and a ‘Crone-eque’ energy, I can really appreciate the invitation to rest, reflect and to build a nest from which I can fly come the Spring.  For this year I have physically let go by allowing my weary body and mind to rest, and I have learned how to emotionally succumb to my shadows as much as my light.  All of which I feel stand me in good stead for a reflective and strongly anchored Winter.

Winter for me follows on perfectly in theme from its predecessor, Autumn.  For like its seasonal colleague, Winter is just as much about letting go.   In Winter we are bare.  We hold no fruit on our branches and no leaves to hide behind; we are ourselves, naked, and more vulnerable to the light as much as the darkness.

This Winter exposes us in many ways and expands our truths.  It closes down many gateways, opens more, and brings the painful lessons and baggage of 2018 to a climax for us.  Therefore, if you have done the work this year in terms of now finding yourself in deep and reflective surrender upon the Solstice rather than bitter resistance, then I believe you will be rewarded as you travel into another season and ascension opportunity.

There is no doubt about it, this season requires a giant leap of faith and mammoth strides into the unknown!  Channels and light-workers, including myself, are struggling to get clear insights into what the season will bring, as there is a loss of connection together with unsettling ascension symptoms.   It can be tempting during the Winter to seek readings, guidance, to be susceptible to outside influence and to simply ignore the need to be patient and listen to our own hearts and callings.    The solar plexus, third eye and crown are particularly heightened around the time of the Solstice and this is making for heavy and weary bodies.

NB: As well as a personalised Bach mix, utilise Cerato for the self doubt, Impatiens to settle down the need for answers,  Walnut for the sensitivity to a seasonal change and ascension and Olive for being over-tired.

The Solstice feels more important than ever to celebrate this year, and feels about the weekend as much as it does the day.  Calling for rest, self-awareness and lots of self love and care.

I am not surprised that I started to get insights about where to be tomorrow some months back, as in many ways I am travelling lost right now, whilst painful cycles wrap-up and I am waiting for seeds I have sown to grow and show me the way.  Pathways are unclear and we can no longer rely on old ways of coping or living; being pulled for the final times right now between chaos and clarity.

People, particularly narcissists, ego driven energy vampires and alike are falling away as those ready to ascend are shedding the hangers on.  I for one am adopting self forgiveness and self mastery at this time – making clear intentions about who my customers are in 2019 and just which communities of people I am willing to serve.  Our audiences and circles are changing, as are the ways in which we love ourselves and others, thanks to the lessons this year.

The time between the last Winter Solstice and this one has been huge for me, and has felt like I have been travelling and breaking for a lot longer than a year.  As a result I am really starting to pull back and to put my own needs and healing first.  This feels a fundamental thing to do for all of us so that we stop allowing others to ride on our coat-tails in order to avoid their own pain….that’s it now, whoever doesn’t want to learn how to swim will be forced to sink until they do.

We are letting go now and this weekend feels so important in both gratitude and forgiveness for ourselves as much as for anyone else who has travelled with us to date.

I wish I could tell you what is on the other side of the Solstice, which usually is much easier to predict, but right now it’s simply a time to trust, to be patient, and to ride the storm.  Be prepared to flow and to adapt more than ever this season as plans cannot always be made when we are required to follow our guts and the universal signs.  For example I have been called to Barry Island tomorrow as per guidance I received some months prior, but on the eve of the Solstice my ascension symptoms are crippling my body with heightened pain and fatigue.  But as Winter is indeed the season of rest, integration, laying foundations and self-mastery, then I trust all of those things can be achieved pottering within my own home as it can walking the Welsh beaches.

On the eve of a very powerful weekend I wish you all peace.  I wish you all a prosperous new year and season.  Remember to follow your own path this season, embrace the unknown and the seas of change, whilst increasing your self care during what can be more testing times.  Utilise the Bach remedies as this is a season known for it’s triggers and emotions.

You can read more about coping with the festive season in my latest blog here

Happy Winter Solstice!

Yours in love and Winters light,

 

 

 

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you