Posts

Will I ever be enough? This is a question I ask myself on average at least once a week, sometimes consciously aloud and sometimes suppressed into the ways that I act or feel.

At least once a week may sound a ‘little much’ to some, but I believe it’s a question that many people, particularly awakened ‘women,’ ask themselves frequently too.

In fact anyone on a path of self development or conscious soul searching will likely ask it so much as they too will have this self-limiting dialogue carved into them as if it were a tattoo.

You may be fooled into thinking that asking this question repeatedly is all about low self esteem or a lack of self confidence; therefore excluding you if you feel above this way of feeling.  Sure, those mindsets don’t help if that’s something you live with, but they are actually unrelated to the root of the question.

That’s because this question relates more to impostor syndrome, and for me impostor syndrome isn’t always a bad trait if you can learn how to live in the more positive aspect of it. Impostor syndrome gets you asking questions in order to learn, to grow and more importantly to heal. This is fundamental on a Goddess inspired path or the path of an authentic light-worker.

Impostor syndrome in essence is an inner craving to become more, and a desire to unearth more of yourself, your authentic self, and indeed the rest of the world, which we often achieve through initial self doubt.

We feel like an ‘impostor’ because deep down we know we can be so much more, and in many ways we are fighting the internal calling and birthright to step into our power.  And that’s because we are taught to fear our higher selves and our authentic beings from a young age.  For women this is especially true as we are born with gender inherited shame and guilt, which is magnified in the values we are taught such as comparison, inferiority and critical self dialogue.

And despite what you may have been taught, that this is low vibrational energy; those with impostor syndrome are often the most skilled of light-workers and the most attuned channels.  They are less likely to be living and working in their egos, because they understand the questions they must ask of themselves to keep it real and to evolve.

We are taught to fear success, to resist self expansion and to dim our lights so that others can live untriggered alongside us.  We are taught to live small.

From this fear we learn how to put our deepest dreams in a box that struggles to contain them, and we limit our cosmic beings to a 1D or 2D realm, or if we’re really lucky a 3D or 4D existence, whereby we really start to ask ourselves the opening question.  And it’s only when we start to ask this question consciously and with an intention to grow, that I believe we are starting to ascend to 5D and beyond.

Years pass and adolescence is cruel to any awakened soul, indigo child, empath or highly sensitive person.   We become wrapped in individual blankets of BS, of unjust self analysis and of life limiting belief systems and core values.  Because we are taught this from a young age and our forefathers are taught this.  We inherited our parents opinions of us, we adopted unhealed ancestral trauma through our paternal and maternal lines and we believed what media and society told us about our labels.

And thus began the rise of the question “will I ever be enough?”

The question will differ from person to person.  For some this will not even be consciously asked, and it will more be an inferiority of sorts that presents in behaviour, insecurities or feelings.

For others it will be a loud loop that plays out regularly, as if to say your best isn’t good enough,  YOU aren’t good enough.  In remedy terms it’s likely to be the Pine’s, the Larch’s, the Rock Water’s, the Centaury’s, the Agrimony’s and the Cerato’s in my opinion.

I believe the question ‘will I ever be enough’ is ingrained in women the moment they are born.  That’s not to say that this question is gender exclusive, but I believe that it’s a statement attached to the divine feminine, and this is felt more prominently in women.  You then inherit an ancestral line, particularly passed down through the maternal line, of women before you who never quite found their worth or voice due to their inherited belief systems or the suppression of feminism during harder times.  These wounds have now been passed on to you as if they were a baton and it’s now your turn to have a go at healing them alongside your own unique shadows.

The way you are brought up also plays a part, for the media you are exposed to, the parental viewpoints and the developmental years of an empath for example can make or break your inner critic.

I remember feeling fat, ugly and like I just didn’t fit in from as young as 2!

I have wonderful and loving parents, I have experienced no known trauma at a young age and I have no reason to feel this way, but I did.  I wanted more from that tender age and I wanted to be anyone and anything other than me, as I felt like a failure.

Whilst doing my Reiki training I travelled back to ‘heal my past’ and this was the first memory that came to me, and this is when I became aware of my 2 year old inner child, who had shaped so much of my adult life.  I saw my younger self playing in the flower beds in a local park and I felt as if I wanted to be more like my sister, who wasn’t crying because she didn’t want her photo taken, or wasn’t causing her parents stress because she was ‘different’ and wouldn’t ‘conform’.  For 30+ years I learned to hate that child/myself, and my insecurities were magnified with every partner, friend, co-worker or stranger who told me I was too loud, too sensitive, needy, difficult because I saw the world so differently or effectively not good enough.

But it’s only now that I am starting to ask myself this question in the positive, for greater good and growth.  “Will I ever be enough” in terms of wanting to ensure I am striving for my best self and connecting to my hearts calling whilst dancing to my own tune.

It’s taken years of painful shadow and solitary work, carefully selected Bach flower remedies, many modalities of healing, soul journeying to heal and understand my past lives and my inner child and a continued ascension into 5D living.  It’s also taken changing my energetic vibration so that I am attracting kinder souls who want to help me as much as I want to help them.

If you too are consciously asking yourself “will I ever be enough”, then start to gift the question positive power by replacing it with something like, “what do I need to do to grow further?’.  This is a far kinder approach and you will get a lot more from the lesson.  Considering Bach remedies such as Larch, Pine, Rock Water, Agrimony, Centaury or Cerato so as to remove the self doubt and restrictions to grow will help to.  And finally, it’s never too late to love that inner child in the way that they needed and deserved to be loved.

Remember,  we are all asking if we will ever be enough in some form or another, for we are all on this beautiful healing journey called life.

Yours in love and light,

 

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you

 

 

 

 

Since discovering the Bach flower remedies I had been too scared to take two remedies; Agrimony and Oak.

Up until recently, after years of working with the system both personally and professionally, I had managed to escape the clutches of these two remedies and convince myself I didn’t need them.

That’s because Agrimony is the remedy for those who wear masks or use forms of escapism to hide their pain, and Oak is for those who feel they need to keep going all the time, even when the need for rest is glaringly obvious.  I had imagined (despite knowing that the Bach remedies do not work in this way) that I wouldn’t be able to use humour as a way to avoid public vulnerability, I wouldn’t be able to appear strong anymore; the way in which those I love need me to be, and I would be forced to stop and rest past a point I could return from, if I took these two tinctures.

But by starting with Agrimony, when I eventually realised that I was holding myself back by means of resisting it, I came to realise that the remedies and energy-work that invite a period of rest can actually be the most beneficial.  I don’t just mean rest in the physical sense, but rest from show reels, abusive coping strategies or even rest from responding re-actively in the moment, as all of those things are exhausting.

When I meet a new client, I will ask them in their initial consultation why they have come to see me and this question often throws people for some reason.

But can you guess what the most common answer is?…

…It’s ‘relaxation!’

 

Yet relaxation is the very thing that so many of us find so hard to do, and even go as far as to sabotage it by finding things to do when we notice that we start to take time out for ourselves or from our ‘duties’.   The vast majority of us even feel as strong a feeling as guilt for taking time out for ourselves or for doing nothing.

I witness so many people in my own community do one of two things when it comes to ‘healing’.  There are those who avoid alternative therapies altogether, perhaps through fear of the unknown, resistance to change, or even sabotaging their own success, and then there are the group of awakening souls who want to try everything!  They want to sit in circles multiple times during the week, do every training course, or attend the opening of a spiritual envelope, all without adequate time for integration of the healing they have encountered or reflection afterwards.

I am not highlighting either choice by means to cause any detriment to these people, as all of us will fall into both of these camps at varying points on our individual journeys.  But what I have come to learn is that both approaches can cause delays in improved health and well-being as they lack balance.

 

Healing is not always about getting what you want, infact it’s often about getting what you need

 

A channel or intuitive-led practitioner will often bypass the physical body or the guidance spoken on a 3D level and go straight for a deeper connection with your higher self.  This means that healing will take place unfiltered and in ways that are subconsciously determined by the part of you that knows how to get you the results you crave in the long run.  Knowing just what it needs to do to get you back on track physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually without fear or overthought, and often without initially making sense to the conscious mind.  This means that for some people they can be forced to down tools if they are people who are not checking in with their body enough or are in situations of heightened stress and trauma, which causes them to react or ‘keep going’ rather than to rest – almost like a fight or flight situation.

Resting is so hard to do, and learning to do it without frustration, without expectation and without a self-administered ‘time-frame’ is not only a huge act of self-care but it’s an inner surrender to flow.  Trusting the process and learning to see this unscheduled downtime as a blessing that is perhaps saving you from exhaustion, a breakdown, or a further deterioration in physical or mental health.  Those who resist the flow are often taken out of action for longer as it becomes no longer just about the benefits of resting and also about learning the lesson of how to live in flow and the great unknown.`

I understand first hand how hard resting is.  I battle with chronic fatigue every day in my personal life, which means that the need for rest is often unavoidable and unpredictable.  I also struggle with issues of worthiness.

On my ongoing search for my authentic self I can now see just how worthiness for me relates to rest.  For I have never allowed myself to feel worthy of rest.  In the past when I have taken even an afternoon to have a siesta, or I have written off a day to watch rubbish TV and sit in my pj’s, I feel an obligation from myself or those around me to do something.  To perhaps allow myself to lie in bed, but to do some work on my laptop at the same time.  Or to only allow an hour or two’s rest before getting up to tidy the house, all before my partner gets home and would therefore never know I had been resting!  This is not rest.  This is controlled rest.  My mind, let alone my body, never got to fully switch off and immerse itself in this down time as I was already thinking about what time I needed to get up or what was an adequate amount of ticks to make on my to do list alongside this day off!  And I see it so many times.  Clients who have had a period of exhaustion pre and post treatment with me, and being incredibly frustrated by this or wary to book a follow-up as a result.  Or those who ask if remedies will make them tired before even taking them, as they seek stimulants not relaxers.

I can see, and I include my own fears in this, that we are becoming a nation who are frightened to stop!

Truly stop.  As we have too many expectations placed upon us and we view resting as lazy, a waste of time and something that holds us back.

But what happens when we burn out or get sick?  We are forced to stop.  Yet the world keeps turning.  The household still runs.  The kids still get to school.  Our jobs wait for us to return (usually).  And as frustrated as we may feel initially, we know that our bodies want and need this.  We instinctively know that we need to take to our beds and to rest for a while, and in most cases we allow ourselves to do this.

Rest isn’t just about going to sleep or lying in bed.  Rest is about integration.  It’s about taking that time out from therapies, circles, people or duties by making time for some silence in your life.  It’s about switching off from the stimulants of caffeine, alcohol, drugs, unhealthy foods, social media and TV and getting out into nature, with just you and a good book or an intention of mindfulness.  It’s about getting off the treadmill in the gym and slowing it down to a jog or a walk in the local park.  It’s as simple as that. Above all else it’s about learning the difference between needing rest and integration or going into resistance (resistance blog coming soon!).

After any period of healing there is a time when we must stop and often disconnect from our current lives in order to adjust to the new and improved ways that are trying to enter.

So, if you’re still with me, take 5 minutes now to turn your phone to silent, to turn off the background noise and to tune into your body.  What is she asking from you?  Are there aches or pains?  Are there signs that you’ve ‘overdone’ it at the gym or at work or even socially with alcohol/food/drugs and too many late nights?  Perhaps on the emotional end of the scale, there may even be signs that you have done enough for now.  You have had enough treatments, you have attended enough retreats, you have sat in circle more times this month than you’ve sat at your family dinner table and now it’s time to stop and check in.  To quieten the mind and to engage the heart to see what’s coming up.  What triggers have revealed themselves this week or what signs are around you?  What lessons have you learnt?  What unique traits are you beginning to realise you have (as it’s not all about the negative!) It’s time to rest and it’s time to integrate no doubt, so do this for yourself now, no matter how small the act, as this is a fundamental part of any healing journey and awakening, yet it is often the one that gets ignored.  It shouldn’t take going on holiday to take time out to rest and to be present.

Taking time out whether physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally will give you more energy to get things done in the long run, and a much deeper sense of healing.

Rest. Listen. Integrate. Grow.

 

Yours in love and light,

 

 

Never fear, Oak and Agrimony will not necessarily induce rest for you, no more than any other remedy IF that’s what you need at the time of taking them.  So please don’t avoid them.

 

Sharing is caring!  Sharing my blogs, quoting my insights, and your continued support is always appreciated.  However, if you reference any of my work then please credit Honeysuckle Healing, and include links to the appropriate piece so that others may benefit from these tools too.  I work hard to ‘give back’ to my community through my free blogs and self-empowering online content.  I can only continue to meet this dedication through your respect and recognition.  Thank you

Agrimonia Eupatoria is better known as Agrimony and this perennial plant grows tall, bearing small Yellow flowers along its single stems.

Agrimony grows widely and wildly along roadsides and in meadow-land, and the remedy was first prepared by Dr Bach in 1930 in Cromer, Norfolk.

It’s often been said that you can learn a lot about why you might take each Bach remedy by studying the plant that inspired them.  For me this is especially true when looking at Agrimony.  In short, Agrimony is the remedy for those who hide their worries, fears and unhappiness behind a cheerful façade.  The plant grows in a way whereby the Yellow petals reveal themselves in stages, from the bottom up, which to me is what those needing the remedy may well do; try to hide what’s really going on for them, revealing the bare minimum of their struggles when they are perhaps confronted by others or having difficulty hiding them.  Growing in clusters, its bright Yellow appearance creates a visionary carpet of joyous sunshine, which can’t help but make you smile when you are around them.

Agrimony’s will often be the life and soul of the party; the ones first on the dance floor or providing all the laughs when you’re in their company.  The ones who cheer everyone up with a friendly face, a general good nature and funny one liners.

They are often the colourful characters of the group who appear to not take life too seriously with a carefree nature, finding the humour in most situations. Sometimes you may never even be able to tell an Agrimony is feeling stressed or down and whilst they may let you in a little, they will perhaps control how much they share or to the extent of pain they are in.

When I was studying for my practitioner exam we were told to associate each remedy with a celebrity so that we would remember the characteristics of each remedy easily.  Agrimony for me has always been Robin Williams.  A beautiful man who made his fame from making others feel good about themselves by making them laugh.  He was a natural entertainer and it’s clear that he was born to be a comedic star.  Through his cheerful characters and witty public persona, I think most of us were nothing short of shocked when we heard he battled depression and this later contributed to his suicide.  I’m not saying that Agrimony necessarily leads to suicide, but what I am trying to convey is just how much pain an Agrimony can be in, whilst still portraying to the rest of the world that they are a happy go lucky kind of person.  In fact it was Robin Williams who said:

 

“All it takes is a beautiful fake smile and they will never notice how broken you are”

 

Agrimony’s feel the need to put on a brave face and the sad reality is that they will often be lying to themselves in many ways just as much as they are deceiving those around them.  It can be hard for Agrimony’s to do the internal work needed for them to be free from their demons and in turn their addictions.  They often fight such painful and silent battles, which at times can be nothing short of mental torture, not to mention they can feel as though they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.  This living nightmare can understandably be something they wish to escape from or avoid, hence the go-to reaction of fun, humour or addictive tendencies.

The pressure Agrimony’s put on themselves to struggle in silence can mean that they often find equally abusive coping strategies to manage their fears and worries.  Like everyone, Agrimony’s need an outlet to cope with life’s stresses.

It’s not uncommon for Agrimony’s to have addictions such as alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, sex or food or to use crutches of escapism such as binge TV watching, creating hectic social lives, working longer hours, going from one failed relationship to another without adequate time for reflection in between, or just generally avoiding spending time alone and quiet.

Agrimony’s prefer to be in the company of others and find it hard to be alone for prolonged periods of time, even meditation or relaxation may be difficult for an Agrimony as this will require them to be in their own heads and to break the cycle of self-avoidance.  Agrimony’s may have trouble sleeping, often having periods of insomnia, as they can be kept awake by their worries or struggle to switch them off.  Sometimes this isn’t even conscious, the mental churning can just become such a background white-noise or way of life that they have come to accept, masking it with whatever their chosen coping strategy or addictive weapons of choice may be.

Agrimony’s will keep their cards close to their chest in terms of playing down their struggles to others and often going as far as to add a joke to the proceedings or perhaps downgrading the severity of the issue.  Agrimony’s can find it hard to face up to their troubles.  This isn’t a sign of weakness, and in many ways a sign of their strength, for they will carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, a lot like Atlas in order to ‘cope’.   The problem of course comes when inevitably this mask slips, as no one is invincible and no one can carry such troubles alone all their life without needing some help and support through difficult times.

However, like with every remedy of course there is a scale, and sometimes the Agrimony behaviours may not be quite so extreme and the battles and coping strategies can be less obvious.  You don’t have to tick every box to welcome the positive aspects of the Agrimony remedy, for this  list is just a characteristic summary and by no means exhaustive.  It’s also very ‘English’ to keep a stiff upper lip and to feel the need to deal with things alone, keeping up appearances in a way of not wishing to bring others down or show any sign of weakness.

Humour is a common defence mechanism and a way in which many people deal with pain and difficult situations.  The key to Bach remedies and in this case Agrimony, is to always remember that there is a scale and that you don’t have to experience the extreme end of the scale to benefit from taking it.  The layer effect of the remedies will also mean that you will inevitably have to revisit Agrimony as varying tendencies and characteristics exhibit again.  As the layers of an Agrimony peels, some layers will inevitably be harder to deal with, as this mask may have been worn as far back as childhood.  But as the spiral of healing towards our authentic core continues, there can be many variations of Agrimony indicated and many ways in which it can be the remedy for solace, especially for those who may have this as a ‘type’ remedy.

Taking Agrimony can be a difficult decision to make for some, as the very realisation that we need to journey within in order to get the freedom from behaviours/addictions we crave, can be a daunting one for many of us.

Facing up to the need to break cycles of self abuse, addiction and indeed ‘masking’ problems can be the exact reason why Agrimony’s need this remedy, therefore admitting this need to themselves and in turn finding new ways to cope can be a very frightening prospect.  I find that there can be a real resistance around Agrimony, due to a common fear that their joie de vivre will diminish in some way, leaving them vulnerable and losing their ability to make others smile.    But this isn’t the case.  Like all remedies, Agrimony works subtly with the sole purpose of simply bringing balance to our emotions and characteristics.  Agrimony is there to allow the tears of a clown to sometimes be seen, when appropriate.  It will allow you to share the load a little more, to offload some of the burden in a way in which you are able to work through what’s coming up and generally ask for help before it’s too late.  Not only will it enable you to remove the mask so that humour becomes more organic and less draining, but it will also lessen the need to mask these feelings with unhelpful addictions or destructive behaviours.  There is a level of real liberation and freedom to Agrimony I feel, but I also personally understand how scary the thought of taking this remedy can be.

The real beauty of Agrimony remedy is that it restores the balance.  The necessary need for there to be a happy medium between sharing a problem, seeking help for an addiction or indeed facing up to our demons, whilst still keeping our natural ability to be the social butterflies and jolly beings that we are.  It brings about an inner happiness, allowing us to be vulnerable when needed and to lessen the load so to speak.  Agrimony can help to reduce the reliance on addictions and abusive patterns, but this will vary from person to person and will depend on a commitment to taking this remedy for perhaps a prolonged amount of time.

It’s time to cut yourself some slack now Agrimony’s.  Turn your caring nature and ability to help others to see the funny side of life onto yourself.

This is such a beautiful remedy, which no doubts can be hard to work with, but is so utterly rewarding and freeing when you do.

Yours in love and flowery light,

 

*NB: I would always recommend having a consultation with a Bach Foundation Registered Practitioner (BFRP) to ensure that you get the most from the Bach system.  Dr Bach advised that blends be bespoke and BFRP’s teach their clients how to use the system effectively.  These monthly insights are offered as a guide to the remedies, but are by no means exhaustive and guidance is always advised when using the remedies for the first time.