There seems to be an influx of visiting bees in our conservatory lately, and today’s guest looked like nothing short of the Queen!

I have always loved nature, preferring to be outdoors (contrary to what those around me may have to say) from a young age, but it’s really been the last few years that my love of wildlife, animals, fauna and flora has really come alive.

I think nature is sent to not only provide for us, but to lift our moods and enhance our connection and purpose, although sometimes it takes going on a deeply inward journey in order to truly appreciate it.  When you awaken the goddess within, when you hear her cries and answer her calls I think you naturally become more sentient, more empathetic and can see the way that animals and nature (when kept alive) fit into the great wheel of life, as if they were fundamental cogs in the machines workings.

For me personally, I can see that my authentic self looks like a wild woman at the core, but somewhere along the line she got lost and scared.  She became frightened of spiders, scared of mice, too afraid to pick up and talk to a rat or walk through a field of cows, and that makes me sad.  It’s only now that I am seeing such sadness in those learned behaviours as I realise that I have missed out on so much, and am having to remove these layers and get back to the essence of who I am much later in life.  Somewhat behind where I should be as a result. Everything I do to heal and connect to my higher power and inner wounds takes me ever closer to this wild woman; and she is someone I like and respect a lot more than the girl I have allowed myself to be up until now.

But the problem comes with the fact that I put a great deal of pressure on myself.  To love nature I feel I must be able to roll around in it, covered in spiders and loving the process somewhere in a remote campsite…but that’s sadly not the case!

I do love camping, but the point is I am still learning to love spiders!  With these high expectations and now the line of work I find myself in, I feel it’s somehow my duty and reputation at stake to be at one with nature…including knowing how to save every bee who comes to Bristol for some time out!

However, whilst watching this bee take what I hope is a nap in our ambient temperature glass house, I began to panic and take an unhealthy responsibility for nursing this bee back to health.  Even my Mum has faith in me that I can save the day, which only ceases to add to my own self–administered pressure!  I opted for the ‘go to’ reaction of giving it a water and sugar solution, ensuring I took my instructions from a reputable Google search such as the RSPB or Wildlife Trust, but he didn’t seem interested.  My next step is always to sit as close as I feel comfortable to do so and send this striped fella some Reiki…which has been known to help in the past.  Even Bach Rescue Remedy can help when diluted!  I sat there and channelled my inner Wild Steve England (read Steve’s Honeysuckle guest blog here) , wishing I had his skills and confidence to pick said bee up and administer the sugar water…but I realised I was scared.  I was a Rock Rose level of scared, yet I am not sure why, as I wanted to save this bee more than anything.  So why couldn’t I just ‘get over it’ and help him when my desire to do so seemed to outweigh my fear?

I left the conservatory, with the spoon within the bee’s reach and went back upstairs.  I sat there restless and began to cry.  I went back downstairs 5-10 minutes later and started the process all over again.  And this rig-moral of going back and forth to the wilting bee went on for half an hour, maybe more!  Goggle searches such as ‘how do you know if a bee is sleeping or dying’ happened, tweets to Wild Steve for advice and a lot more empathetic tears shed on behalf of the Queen all followed this exhausting process.  Until I sat there and the penny dropped…. I needed to work with Pine…AGAIN!

Pine is one of my ‘type’ remedies and the negative aspects of the remedy underpins the majority of my feelings, outlooks and interactions, and this bee served as a reminder today that I still have intricate layers of Pine to balance.  For I took the blame for this bee and sole responsibility for it’s predicament.  I somehow felt guilty for the fact that he is sleeping, resting or heaven forbid preparing himself to cross the rainbow bridge.  I was sat there beating myself up for not being able to pick him up or remove my fear to get close enough to him to help.  I felt angry with myself and stupid for not instinctively knowing what to do with him and how to save him.  After all I am a ‘healer’ right?  Therefore it’s ‘my job’ to know how to help every living and sentient being and to not fear mother nature herself.  It just didn’t sit right with me and from that one flying visit I had spiralled into a deep self-reproach and fear, all from a situation that unless I morphed into David Attenborough I don’t think I could have done much more!

But the idea for this blog came as I sat staring at the bee for the 40th time.  Berating myself for not being a good enough healer, for not understanding nature enough and only having the useless and emotional connection of an empath, a gutless empath at that!  For what good is feeling the bee and witnessing its struggles if I can’t do anything to help.  My self talk was terrible and I really heard it today.  Why on earth was I feeling as though this was my fault?  Why did I think I ‘should’ know what to do?  What was I so afraid of?  All of these questions (and more) served as gentle reminders of my next layers presenting, Pine and Rock Rose.  Perhaps this yellow and black wonder was merely sent as a sign of what I need to do next, which remedies would help me unlock my potential. Perhaps he was sent to show me how to step bravely into the ‘fear bubble’ as Ant Middleton would say.   Or perhaps he was just tired, and nothing more!

The moral of the story is that I am human.  Sometimes I don’t know what to do in situations for the best.  Sometimes I can have deep connections, but be too fearful to see them through as my own emotions take over.   And that’s what this little guy was showing me today.  My best in any given moment is my best.  It’s not my fault he was there, and whilst he may have boded better in Steve or David’s house, he was given love and attention perhaps more than he would have been somewhere else.  So that needs to be enough.  With Pine and Rock Rose, which I will now prepare in a mixing bottle to see me through this next stage of my journey, I am sure I will be better prepared for the next bee-autiful guest who stops by.

Yours in love and light,

 

 

BEE-cause I thought you would like an update: Alas, good news!  Writing this blog inspired me to go back downstairs and to try again, with more determination and trust that my loving intention could replace my fear.  I made a solution of sugar and water and added Olive Bach remedy (for tiredness) and Rescue Remedy (to give this guy back its senses) and I added it to one of my Bach mixing bottles so I could administer it to the bees mouth, one drop at a time.  Within a few seconds of doing this he came alive before my very eyes and flew off as if by magic.  Thanks for the lesson little bee, god speed!

It’s important not to give bees honey, or to use certain sugars (such as Demerara).  For more information on how to revive tired bees, you can visit ‘save the bees’ website here

 

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